Right, I gave up.
Big changes are coming. I’m hung in the time-zone gap, half the Earth apart, rooting for my partner starting his new job. In not so long, I’m supposed to close the gap. Take the flight. Take the chance.
It was a series of realizations. Realizing I could perhaps do it, that there would be plenty of options there for someone like me. Then realizing I actually want to do it and was weary of the idea of staying. Realizing I want a (new) life. Realizing I don’t want the two-body problem for much longer.
Realizing that if we are all so smart scientists in academia, then for Christ’s sake, being the best educated most intelligent skilled gifted talented folk, why shouldn’t we use it to our benefit. Doesn’t it all mean we should be able to make the life what we want it to be, get the (or at least a) job anywhere we want, at the level we want, and nurture our lives with it, rather than be those academia entrapped miserable folk, who go wherever their lady commands, never free to choose the place, the time, never able to choose for life. Sacrificing hours for our passion, in the least rewarding fashion a career has ever seen.
It might be rationalizing. But it was also further realization. Realization that after next few years of post-doccing I would be entering the industry world at exactly the same position I would right now. Realizing that the PI position dream might never come true, anywhere. Realizing that where I am right now I’d have even fewer options than in the livid, booming, biotech-rich area I want to move to.
Now I’m also realizing I really like my job. I’ll miss how everything finally fit here, the freedom of doing what I want, having sufficient resources, supportive boss and good colleagues. I can only hope the future will bring some nice places and people about too.
But I’ve always been drawn to change. And to challenge. Maybe my new job search is so compelling simply because it is a challenge. Something I haven’t tested myself in quite yet.
Wherever it takes me, it’s science anyways. I hope.